My dad, my dad

Sometimes i really pity dad.

Yesterday morning he called mom and said he is outside our house, then mom asked bro to go out and get the money from him and there goes, he went off. Mom and i never go out to greet him. That time i'm thinking to myself, "Did dad thought of coming into the house to have a sit? But no one offer to open the door for him, that's why he come all the way (which i don't know where is he from, i don't know where is he staying and never bother to ask, well, he is staying with someone which i don't wish to know at all) just to pass us the money and went off.

Today, when we arrived at grandma's house (dad's side) for lunch, i saw dad sitting at the living room, i greeted him then i went to the kitchen for lunch. Every year during CNY, i tried to find some conversation to start with, trying to talk to dad, of course is hard coz i never really know how to communicate with people, so asking me to start the conversation is really a big problem but nevertheless, i tried.

But this year, i didn't. Partly because i didn't put the initiative to talk to him and another reason was because after lunch, we went to have a look at grandma's new apartment. It was quite rush for me, after lunch, i went to collect mom's car which we sent for car wash opposite grandma's house then there goes, we drove straight to the new apartment. Without realizing it, i didn't even say goodbye to dad. Later when i remembered, i asked mom if dad knows that we went off and mom said, he should've heard our conversation earlier.

Well, i feel kinda bad. But i don't know what else i can do.

Is this the punishment that a person deserved after making only ONE BIG WRONG STEP? It's cruel, but i never know how painful is the hurt that mom has to bear for her entire life and not forgetting the unbalance growth of the children.

Imperfect human in this imperfect world. I wish to go to heaven that's without tears.