~HöOVéRBélL~: Breakthru...

This whole week was a sleepless nite week.

Beginning of this month we are already fearful of dad not giving money coz last month we argue with dad about cats at home. So surely enough he didn't bring money home for the first week. We are hoping 2nd week he will put in money in mom's account, still... nothing. 3rd week comes, whole fml was stressed up as mom had just paid hers and brother's insurance last month, used about RM1000++ and this month her roadtax is going to overdue, need another RM1000 or so, some bills about RM500++ to pay, fan spoilt, water dispenser spoilt, all unpleasant thing starts to pop-up so sudden. Everyone at home had terrible moods with arguements, noises + shouts (i hate them). Where is the peace and joy that the whole fml had last time? Just because of this financial problem, it can create havoc at home. Now i have to believe it myself when ppl have financial problem at home, it's hard to go thru. Whole week was a week of fervent prayers and hoping things will work out well soon. Sleepless nite, just woke up middle of the nite everyday for the whole week and can't sleep but it was a time of prayer for me as well that i begin to seek God when i can't sleep. Can u imagine, my bank account left RM7 only coz of helping out in the fml?

On top of that, Engedi my bf was so so spontaneous thought of giving me a treat to Germany so i gotta apply leave. Tried it last year but get rejected by pastors, they had their reasons. Well, so we gotta try again this year, told respective person that i need to go thru in the company (which is my chrc coz i'm working full-time), going thru with fear and trembling coz i'm afraid of rejection again.. ;)

So many prayer request... hahahahaaa.....

Then came this morning, dressing up nicely to go to church, showing mom of my dressing hoping to get nice words from her like every Sunday morning but this morning, with a grumpy voice she said, "don't ask me, i'm not in good mood". Being a daughter of course i wanted to run away of that situation... kekekkee... but i'm concern too, so i asked, "why... what happen...". "We don't have enough money to survive, so many bills hvn't pay, i can't even sleep the whole nite thinking of it" she said.

"I know mom, i think we need to have a fml meeting where all of us sit down to talk, what we need to cut down like airconds, unneccesary things try to cut down, all of us must learn and help one another... we need to talk."

"Ya, have to cut our phone like also... internet bills are high nowadays..." (Ohps... hehehehee) Yes, is very true that when crisis hits, we will have to count every little things.

Then as usual we proceed to the church, on the way there i was quite disturbed coz of financial problem, i was thinking if today i get a 'no' answer for my leave to Germany, i will go to do part time at nite to support fml a little bit. In the church, i just wanna be in the presence of God, worship was good, word was good... awesome, the word really as if speaking to me that if i'm rejected of my application to go Germany, is ok, God knows the best... hahhahaaa, is hard to handle rejection frankly speaking, i'm very afraid of rejection. In fact i was so afraid that i cried ytd nite while chatting with my bf on the phone, i'm afraid of rejection.

Anyway, after service, we had youth group. As usual, i just stayed in the presence of God during worship by Ee Ling then comes to the word of God, prepared by me. Today's topic is about God-centered vs self-centered. The whole lesson is just like a lesson that i'm teaching myself. In times of calamities, are we in the position of God-centeredness (where we seek God, pray, learning to see things His ways, learn to trust Him) or are we self-centered (where we start to do things our way, go all out for part-time job skipping all the prayer meetings and all (frankly speaking this is the way that i want to do if im rejected to go Germany), see things in human perspective?) Wow, hard lesson man..... i gotta learn... Told my pastor that i wish all this will end soon, is suffering, is hard to go through... :( really hard... i can’t handle it.

After youth group, my time to face pastors to reveal my application... hahahaaa... the **scariest part of all. Pastor are fast, just said. "We approve your 2 months leave and u can go Germany" What an answer??? I'm too happy to express, stunt! Joy within me like bursting out... And had discussion on how to pass down my job...

WHAT A BREAKTHRU #1

But i was quite doubtful that i should go coz how to leave fml when they are going thru hard time and i go for holiday just like that? How to tell my mom? Then sms bf and he called and we chatted, in the middle of conversation, mom called and said dad had put in money for us!!!!!!!!! WOW, with shouts and joy we were praising God......

WHAT A BREAKTHRU #2

Then a chinese church uncle came to our house to help to fix the water dispenser thing which cost RM80 for free (it was a problem for us to pay at first)!!!! And we got to fix a 2nd hand fan that we took down from our old church... hehehheeee....

WHAT A BLESSING!